Hi and thanks for visiting this page and at least considering helping me out. Here is the text of the blog entry placed on Tribe.net. Copied text is in black and additional comments are in red:
Everybody that knows me knows that I am the guy you can go to who will jump through hoops to help you, someone you know, or some random person on the street. I’ve been called ‘generous to a fault’, an idealist, etc. When I say, ‘let’s all get together for Thanksgiving’, I will work my ass off to see that 40-60 people are fed, imbibed, happy, and still make sure the kitchen is clean before I have a five minute break. I will make sure your structure on the playa is properly anchored, your batteries are charged, and your flat tire is repaired. I've always strived to be a helpful person. I get juiced knowing that I'm doing something good for somebody. I've always felt that if you do good, and you do it for the right reasons, only good will happen to you. I know to some it sounds ridiculous, and it has nothing to do with any unusual way I was raised, it's simply that the 'good karma' button was pushed in my brain when I was born.
Some of you might remember that I put the ball in motion for Tribe’s continued operation. Some of you might have learned that I came up with the business model and research for the premium membership that kept tribe afloat. Only a handful knew how close tribe was to shutting down forever. What none of you know was that I was trying to either purchase tribe or go to work as their head of marketing with Kenrom as their front-end developer and Darren as their back end developer. All of the ideas I presented to Tribe were used. The only thing about the tribe Premium Membership that wasn't my idea was the much maligned 'gold stars'. I withheld several ideas (marketing focuses, client base expansion, new features, and general things only a marketing expert would know to do)to be introduced later, and judging by the failure to follow through on those early promises on Tribe's part, that is likely a good thing.
Additionally I was talking with Roger Lai (Orbit) to become the project manager for the resurfacing of Tribe. Roger was actually very excited about the opportunity and was confident he would be able to work on it from his new home in the UK. Unfortunately he came on fairly late in the game when things started going sideways and got to experience the lack of response or commitment from Tribe. Our last conversation on the matter ended with him sending me a text that said, "I can see why you go home at night so frustrated. What a bunch of unprofessional assholes. Leave me out of it!" Given the bullshit that I was rapidly learning, I fully understand his sentiment, however at that point I was so bought in to the concept that I forged ahead.
http://people.tribe.net/pi/blog/79914cf1-b949-4a36-a964-73d97c94b047 .
So after we met with Darren, we exchanged several emails and got a green light that things were moving forward. I wrote an announcement regarding Tribe's new life. In short, I was trying to create a job for myself. The announcement showed up as a post from Mark Pincus’ blog and then Darren went dark on me. Nope, not even a t-shirt from Tribe. I've had several people suggest I speak with an attorney. The fact is it has occurred to me that I should. However I don't really see the upside in doing so aside from a protracted lawsuit based on a poor decision on my part to trust Tribe without them signing a non-circumvention agreement. Yeah, I might make some dough off of it, but it would likely result in Tribe shutting their doors for good. I still believe in Tribe, but have come to the realization that the people behind the hippy-dippy, burner-cum-crunchy face of tribe are little more than businessmen who wish to keep things under a close hand and don't believe in the community as much as the community believes in itself.
In 2006 I made well over $100,000, all on commission from commercial real estate. I had a bunch of money in savings and started drawing on it late that year. In 2007 I made less than $7,000. I continued to draw off of savings, stayed current on Child Support (well over $1,000/mo), and didn’t come a whit closer to finding my son who has been concealed from me for about eleven years now. Those on my friends list on tribe can read an in-depth post on the matter with my youngest son here: http://people.tribe.net/pi/blog/b36e0023-47c2-4762-b152-b75f847ea4c3 . I have constant nightmares about my son including him being kidnapped, him dying, him being struck with a horrible disease, etc. I've yet to come to terms with the fact that my son is gone. I have colleagues, relatives, and aquaintances who have had children die and I imagine it is similar to that, or at the very least having a child kidnapped. I know he's out there, but I can't find him. I am constantly looking in car windows on the freeway, schoolyards as I drive by, and kids walking down the street hoping to run in to him. My life has taken a dangerous turn emotionally with respect to my peace of mind. Recently I revealed to Lena that I had occassion to wish that Alex had never been born. At least then I wouldn't worry about him missing me, me missing him, and the counter-productive laws and legistators which govern these issues.
Now I’m broke. Not just “oh…I can’t go to the movie, can’t really afford it”, but broke. $400 behind in my rent, no money for my current month’s rent, car payment, or insurance, and haven’t bought so much as a new magazine in over a year. I work 10 hours a day and I’m broke. I’m having anxiety attacks and I’ve developed panic attacks. Additionally, and I say this with full knowledge that it may well come back to bite my ass some years down the road, one aborted recent approach to the door of the unthinkable. I'm sorry to those this upsets, but when life is this bad, sometimes one might consider the alternative. The stress, the phantom chest pains, the constant aches, the physical manifestations of the emotional turmoil have walked me past that door repeatedly. Were it not for my children, for Lena, for my mother, for my friends, I wouldn't have forced myself back. This is one hell of a departure for somebody who is contantly telling people to 'man up' and 'don't be a pussy'. I’m working at my dojo evenings helping run tests, and working events in exchange for my continued membership. Those who know me IRL know that we’ve been fixtures at every event, every burn, every party until about six months ago. Nope, I'm not going to Burning Man, I can’t make it to SF for Tuesday spins or Sundays in the park, nor can I afford toll or gas to see my friends. I’m shocked my phone is still on, and that’s about to change. I do love life. I do love my friends and family. Were it not for these financial problems I would be one happy person whose only problem is trying to find his son. While that is a major problem, it is one that can be dealt with from a grounded perspective.
I have many friends who have demonstrated kindness. Shawn Shiva for making me his date to see Rush back in May, Crimson Rose for a generous offer, Dave and Allison for offers of kindness (albeit via terrorism) to get me to the playa, and the VC kids for gifting me spinagogue admissions. I love you all and I miss the hell out of you. The person who has shown the most kindness is Lena. She knows from experience that I will support her with everything I have, and she has been repaying me in kind.
I need $5,000 to get through the next 60 days. I’m sending out resumes left and right (seven last week), continuing to work the real estate, and dying on the vine here. I have set up a paypal account and I hate to say it, but I need to ask all of my friends and all of my friends’ friends to donate whatever they can ($5, $10, $20, whatever) to keep me afloat during this horrible time. I need to be able to sleep at night. I need to know that I'm not about to be evicted or have my power turned off, or have my car reposessed. If you are so inclined, please help me, please POST THIS IN YOUR BLOG. Please reach out to the members of our community I haven’t met. Please help. It. Is. That. Bad.
I did it for Tribe and it worked. Now I am embarrassed to say I need ask you to do it for me. I need help. Thank you for reading this, thank you for considering helping. I have nothing to offer in return except the proven track record that if you need help, an ear, a shoulder, or a vicious cross over jumping forward snap kick, I will be there for you. And if you find yourself stranded on the side of the freeway, don't be afraid to accept help from the semi-tough looking guy in the silver car...he truly does want to help you and only asks that you pay it forward.